Reply to I absolutely hate the way my 13yoDD dresses

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't let my DD get any clothes I didn't approve of, so I never bought her shorts that showed her ass cheeks.  But my DD did go through a phase of wearing all black, a phase of wearing two stars under her eyes, and now she does low pigtails and heavy eyeliner and looks very emo.

Her clothes are not her heart.  I only ever say something complimentary, or keep my mouth shut.  I think it significantly contributes to keeping our relationship good.  My parents hated what I wore as a teenager, and I keep that in mind.[/quote]

My mom was always just vaguely unhappy with everything I wore as a tween/teen. Occasionally it was a question of something being too sexy or revealing, but most of the time it was just that she liked me in a different color, she wanted me wearing preppier clothes, etc. It was really bad for our relationship and even as an adult, I always get the sense she is picking at me and critiquing my appearance. I don't even like it when she says complimentary things to me about my appearance now, because I just can't stand the scrutiny -- I'd rather she just never mention my appearance at all ever again.

So I think this is the right approach. Kids this age are very vulnerable to criticism about their looks, and creating a dynamic where she doesn't feel she can please herself and please you at the same time is so bad for -- how is she supposed to resolve that? Tell her you like how her hair looks or that you like the color she's wearing (if true). Ignore the rest. It's not her job to be visibly pleasing to you or anyone. You have to let go of that desire or risk your entire relationship with her.[/quote]

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