Reply to Husband said I’m selfish and terrible wife and he will divorce me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Reading between the lines, it sounds like he has an obnoxious family that you don't like, they (and he) have picked up on the fact that you don't like them and don't like spending time there, and your husband is offended by this bc he is close with his family and sees it as you rejecting that and trying to change it.

So the issue about the amount of time spent there is probably just the catalyst for these deeper problems.  FWIW, I would also be really annoyed if we spent that much time at my in-laws on a regular basis, especially with the drinking and obnoxious behavior you describe.  However, it sounds like you haven't done a good job of hiding your distaste for them.

I'd probably end this relationship bc it sounds miserable and I don't see a path to things getting better, maybe counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be interested in that.[/quote]

So my inlaws had Sunday dinner every week.  I attended before we were married although I often got out of it, but my DW's other three siblings all attended with their spouses (the two that were married).  It was every week 6-10ish.  Did I have better things to do?  Sure.  Could I have spent my time differently?  Sure.  But my spouse wanted to do this.  Nothing I was doing was that important in the grand scheme of things.  I knew this was not forever.  Once kids came things would be different and also, sadly, they would pass at some point.  But my spouse wanted to do it so I did.  Now, years later, I would not have taken those events and memories from her.  I did it for her and would do it again.  They were a close family that spent lots of together time and as I look back at my life there is nothing I would have preferred to do --- all for her -- frankly kind of a minor and unworthy sacrifice on my part given all she has had to put up with me.

What's missing in the discussion above is that you do in-law family stuff for the spouse not the in-laws.  Now OP may not want to make that sacrifice.  And that's ok.  Maybe the magnitude of it is worse over time.  So she should have conversations with her husband and they should work it out together.  Counseling could help them communicate.  Maybe there is a middle ground that a more in touch couple would have come up with quickly.  But the answer could be they need to do this once and a while (but less than they are now) and if that is what he says she needs to sacrifice or just end the whole thing.  
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