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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "unfair to hold a grudge?"
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[quote=Anonymous]I'm wondering if anyone is out there saw this decline in sex for prolonged periods of time, where the man felt totally rejected and blah blah blah..... and not have kids. I distinctly remember my husband and I being slightly concerned during a major time of stress and transition that we were only having sex twice a week. Believe me, he would KILL for those numbers now. So would I to be honest, in theory. But I'm exhausted. My daughter is two and a half, and he fully admits that he just doesn't wake up at night; never has. She could be screaming bloody murder and he'll sleep right through it. Interesting that one of our cats will do a minor meow and he bolts right out of bed, but I digress. I had to explain to him that I don't blame him for physically being unable to get up at night, but that he the can't blame me for being utterly exhausted when she does get up, which is thankfully very rare now but does happen. What men don't quite understand is that women are wired to listen for their kids, even at night. So I calmly explained to him that when you tack on the lousy sleep you get throughout pregnancy (morning sickness, fear of crushing the baby, trying to figure out how you're supposed to sleep, aching joints, hugeness where you can't get comfortable, etc. I am going on well over 3 years of shitty sleep, and his has been completely uninterrupted. Try being sleep deprived for YEARS on end and see how up for sex you are. Then, you couple that with she is used to me meeting her needs. Period. He's not there for her when she's upset in the middle of the night for any various reason. When she's in pain, scared, whatever it is that has kids up at night from birth until now, I have met those needs. So guess what - she's glued to me. So he can be sitting in the room and now decide he wants to play with her and she wants nothing to do with him. It's a vicious ongoing cycle. Believe me, I'm doing my best to say "DD, Daddy is going to play with you now, have fun!" but I have to leave the room. Even when I do that, she gets upset and wants to make sure I'm coming back. It's exhausting. So OP, I guarantee this isn't just your wife deciding one day "I don't want to meet his needs anymore." Somewhere along the line you didn't meet hers either.[/quote]
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