Reply to Why do some men check out of their kids' lives after divorce?

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Reply to "Why do some men check out of their kids' lives after divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex checked out of our lives a few years ago. He was focused on his girlfriends, discovering new bands and restaurants, and reliving his youth rather than spending any time with the children. Basically it was a textbook midlife crisis. So, 100% of parenting has fallen to me, which has been very difficult, but I have managed, and the kids and I are now in a good place with a nice, calm, happy life.  We've grown roots in a new neighborhood and have built a new community.
And now my ex wants back "in". Presumably he had a romantic relationship end, and now he wants to start spending more time with the kids. I'm feeling resentful -- like we were disposable, and now he wants us to be available based on his whims.  The whole thing feels very unfair to me and the kids. 
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It's absolutely unfair but I think your kids will resent you if you don't give him a chance. Unfortunately he will probably vanish again once he gets a new girlfriend. [/quote]

As someone who’s been in this situation - the intermittent contact is very hard on the kids.  I drew a boundary with my exDH - he was welcome to see the kids, but he had to pick a day and time and commit to it weekly with only rare absences.   He manages to do dinner twice a week, but only at a restaurant or my house. It took him 15 years to commit to having his kids spend the night at his house one night a week.

When it wasn’t regular, the kids would hope every day - is today. the day when he is going to want to see me?  It was awful.

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