Reply to Remarried boomer parent takes his wife and her adult kids and their families on vacation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is totally normal in a step mom situation.

Of course she only wants her own kids over all day on Christmas or on vacations. Put yourself in her shoes and really think about it. Do you want a bunch of near strangers on vacation with you? No of course not.

Honestly, you’re lucky to be invited at all.[/quote]

You don't know what you're talking about. A father's loyalty should always lie with his own children.

My father became a widower at 55. Not long after my mother died, he had a 'girlfriend-companion' for about 2 years. She was a long time family friend.
He took her out to dinner, on vacations and paid for things. 
When my father became aware that she saw him as a walking bank account he ended the relationship - for good. He told me he would never remarry and Mom was the only woman for him.

I'm glad it ended. It was for the best. There were no disagreements or disputes about inheritance. I inherited everything (only child).

As for the girlfriend, she moved on to the next wealthy widower (who happened to be someone in my father's social circle). And when he died suddenly of cardiac arrest, his daughter threw her out of the property. She had been living there for free.

[/quote]

I believe this.  DH has an older uncle who married a 30 year younger single mother.  Not much in common. Uncle had his own family, long ignored by him.  The new wife threw a two week long destination wedding extravaganza in Europe (she had never been), and he paid for her whole family to come from more than half way across the globe- about 40+ (!!!) of them.  All she saw/sees is an old wealthy man who will kick the bucket soon enough, it seems.  She became a receptionist in his office. It never occurred to her to be with someone her age, as she runs with a rough crowd, and far be it from her to sacrifice through his lean years. She isn't very friendly to the extended family, in general - like PPs have said, we might be a threat, I'm not sure.  The older (over 80) relatives are okay in her book, apparently, but she hasn't really warmed up to too many people, or friendly when in the same room (usually events, like weddings).  If you serve a purpose to her, she is fine with you, otherwise forget it.

I feel bad for him, but as PP said, he probably didn't want to be alone anymore.  Plus, he knew he screwed up his first family, so guilt probably took over for the second wife to be the "second attempt" at getting it right.  Not that leaving the first family out makes anything any better, because it doesn't.  To boot, she had an "oops baby" that he will never see graduate from high school.  That cements that she will get everything, of course. Very strange and very sad, all around.

I might be less judgmental sounding if I wasn't positively raked over the coals upon entering the family - I had my own job, my own accomplishments, and my own life long before DH, but was treated extremely harshly by DH's family, for some reason.  DH and I are and always have been independent, and never asked the family for anything. Not exactly the warm and welcoming types, I suppose.

OP, if I were you, I would make an effort with your dad. He might be carrying a lot of guilt for not being there for you. [/quote]

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