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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've posted a few times in this thread. I feel for you, OP. My mom is manipulative and borderline and is completely incapable of having healthy relationships. I am an only child and didn't have the tools to establish boundaries, so I always just tolerated her manipulation and emotional abuse.

She behaved in some really frustrating ways within the first few months of my wife and me becoming parents. My wife suggested we talk to a therapist to figure out how to get on the same page with regard to dealing with my mom. We didn't go to many sessions, maybe 5-8. But it helped tremendously, and I have far more control now.

By all means read some books, but you should probably talk to someone, too. Establishing boundaries will be very hard, but you will be so glad. Otherwise you will be in these patterns until your parents pass. They will manipulate your children, and you won't know how to stop it. [/quote]

Thank you! I have been to therapy about it. I even tried therapy with her but that blew up.

I absolutely need to do a better job with the boundaries. But it's so hard to give up the free childcare plus they do really love the grandkids and the grandkids love them (but you're totally right, soon enough she will start manipulating the grandkids too, I'm already starting to see it and it terrifies me). We were actually making progress but then COVID happened and then we didn't have any other childcare options that we felt safe with so we fell back into it. And then my husband lost his job and so getting paid childcare became a financial challenge too.

One challenge is that everything will be great for like a month and I start thinking, "Ok, we're good" and let down my guard and then out of nowhere, the manipulation and control reappears. And then I try to pull back, then everything is good again and the cycle happens again. [/quote]

Sounds like you’ve made your choice then. Yes to romantic evenings, yes to grandparents controlling your family. [/quote]

Exactly. Nothing more to discuss here I suppose.[/quote]

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