Reply to Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what are you looking for here?  We can’t change your mom; we can’t even give her advice because she’s not the one here asking.  Your choices are simple - go along with what your mom wants, or stand up to her and give up your free babysitting.  The rest of it is just noise.[/quote]

OP here. That's exactly what I was looking for - to figure out whether to go along or give up the free babysitting. It's a really hard choice.

My mom really loves the grandkids (a bit too obsessively, I guess) and there is a lot of good in the relationship.

BUT ALSO she's been manipulating and undermining me forever and that's never going to change. There is no job I could have, no life choice that I could make that will ever be good enough. We might have a good month or two, but then it's back to judgment and control and emotional extremes.

BUT ALSO, her own mom treated her this way and it's all she knows, so it's not really her fault. My grandma is still alive and I see her treat my mom much worse than my mom treats me. So I feel really sorry for her

BUT ALSO, she refuses to get therapy and set boundaries with her own mom and fix her behavior. And soon my kids will be old enough to start noticing and being affected by it.

BUT ALSO, free childcare is nothing to scoff at. And I know people keep commenting like "deal with it, that's adulthood". But not really. The idea that raising young children needs to be exhausting and miserable is a social construct. Our society offers no support to parents, and that's not normal. I don't think we should wear our exhaustion like a badge of misery. Look at all the posts on these forums about sexless marriages and affairs and having nothing to talk to your spouse about. That's what happens when you spend all your time working and taking care of kids. I do think there is a real value in adults-only vacations or weekend breaks. My husband and I have been together more than 15 years and we are still very much in love (and I mean romantic, passionate love, not just the doing-dishes-together-and-chatting kind). And that is because we have been able to carve out regular time for just us, and my parents are the reason we could do that. When we had a nanny, that was for work hours and maybe errands. My parents always provided couple time. And I'm reluctant to lose that.

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