Reply to How to deal with ptsd related to infidelity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“He says he had a dark time and had a mental break. He is trying to move forward and feel like everything is ok and when I keep bringing up the affair it takes him back to a bad place. Idk.”

That is fine, but it doesn’t excuse him of the work he needs to do. He has to deal with the pain he caused himself and you. He doesn’t get to say don’t make him face his pain, while extending yours.

If he doesn’t mature in his thinking/accountability maybe he should find an individual therapist that is a better fit. A bad therapist can make a bad situation worse. A good therapist is a gift from heaven, like fresh manna.[/quote]

Agree.  There are a lot of bad therapists out there.  And very few with any morality.  So many loosely goosey polyamory ones these days.

The cheater has to want to change and want to do anything possible.  He will answer any questions you have and not put you off...no matter how long that lasts.  It takes 2-5 years to heal from an affair so he needs to get his shit together.  Not facing his guilt/shame is unacceptable.

He is rug sweeping which will not change him.  Yo letting him off the hook doesn’t help your future chances either.[/quote]

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