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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DP. When I sought therapy after discovering my husband had a double life for 4.5 years, my therapist told me I was suffering all of the classic signs of PTSD and my treatment would be similar.  He did say it was a “trauma” and it is treated through “trauma counseling”.

So, OP, I would find a good trauma therapist.  You should also be in couples therapy.

Your husband’s behavior is concerning though.  Mine never blamed me or refused to let me talk and ask questions as much as I wanted—and he answered them.  He is still in his own individual therapy.

Good luck.  It sounds like either he has a lot of shame and it hurts too much to go there or he doesn’t really have remorse. It should be his job to do anything to help you heal.  If he’s not willing to do that, you will need to make some decisions.[/quote]

He says he had a dark time and had a mental break. He is trying to move forward and feel like everything is ok and when I keep bringing up the affair it takes him back to a bad place. Idk. [/quote]
OP, has he done anything to show remorse or make amends? If he won’t talk to you, then it doesn’t sound like it. The most traumatic part of my husbands betrayal was that after 25 years together, and having two elementary school age children at the time, he showed no remorse for his actions and really didn’t care about what finding out about the other woman did to me. He wanted me to feel sorry for him and he was angry that I didn’t see him as just as much a victim as I was, because he was going through a midlife crisis. He wanted to convince me that the other woman was a really good person. He was offended that I thought their relationship was a cliche, because she meant so much to him. He resented that I was still processing his betrayal and occasionally asking questions to find out the full extent of their relationship, because he didn’t want me holding it over him “for the rest of our lives.” We were only 2.5 months out from my finding out about his extramarital relationship and he hadn’t apologized. Obviously, our marital relationship ended.

Your husband’s affair was about him. Healing his marriage has to be about [u]you[/u]. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have work to do in the healing process — but only he can repair what he broke.[/quote]

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