Reply to Brother married up, treats our mother like crap but his in-laws like gold.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it possible head a very different relationship with your mom and just doesn’t enjoy being with her?  I know my husband’s brother thinks he is a monster for not spending more time with their dad. But his brother was the Golden Child and had everything given to him while my husband was and still is the scapegoat and the target of his dad’s nasty digs.  We avoid him because it hurts.[/quote]

Very much this. OP, your brother may be super thankful that he now has a family he can enjoy. Just because you are close to your mother, doesn't mean he is or has to be.  [/quote]

No, our mother is very sweet. And since when does a parent have to be fun or "enjoyable"? I'm sure the wealthier in-laws are more engaging or fun -- but that doesn't make it right to treat your mother like yesterday's paper. It's our mother. And I'm not going to be complicit in his attempt to pretend he's not treating her poorly. His in-laws see their grandkids multiple times a week, my mother sees the grandkids maybe twice a year. And it's not his wife, I think his wife is the only reason he calls or invites her the few times he does. His wife is a sweetheart.[/quote]

Huh? Of course spending time with your parents should be enjoyable! Is she offering to babysit or figuring out how to be apart of their lives too? When you have kids you do become selfish. It can be hard and some people go out of their way to make thing easier. Others just whine at you and how you aren’t doing enough. Relationships are 50% on your mom too. She needs to meet them halfway too

It also could be that he was closer to your dad? [/quote]

This.  Early in our working lives, my husband and I got exactly two weeks of leave per year.  When we went to see my parents, they took the kids to the zoo, museums, etc.  When we went to see my husband's parents, they had a bunch of yardwork lined up for him to do for them, and they never planned anything for our kids.  They also got angry if I attempted to take the kids somewhere, like a park.  They wanted the kids to sit in the house and watch TV and wait for dinner to be ready.  We decided not to waste all of our leave and vacation money so our kids could sit in a house and watch TV.  We started visiting a lot less frequently.  THey were of course free to visit us which they never did.  You can't view having your kids visit merely as an obligation on their part.  To some degree, they are like guests and you should provide them with appropriate beds, etc.  if they're staying with you, ask them what they might like to do in the area, etc.  And the yardwork was just weird.  They could have afforded to pay someone to rake their leaves rather than insisting that my husband did it for them.  [/quote]

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