Reply to Separated soon to be ex H is moving in with AP... DS has never met her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back - Thank you to those who responded with empathy and concrete advice. This is a situation no one wants their child to be in.

To respond to a few posters - AP does not have any children yet. She is much younger than soon to be ExH and myself.

I hope I didn't come across as having any intention of alienating my son from his father. If anything I have protected them both all along, keeping adult issues between the adults. I am not naïve though, this situation will be extremely difficult for DS who is already having a hard enough time with the idea of divorce.

DS is a bright boy and is definitely going to put 2 and 2 together eventually. We have only been separated 6 months and his father and a new woman are moving in together already. I imagine most kids would understand what's going on. What I am trying to do is figure out how I can be the best support to him through this. I don't want to lie to him if he outright asks me about the situation, but I also don't want to unnecessarily burden him with his father's mistakes.

I will ask my therapist to recommend a co-parenting  specialist. I'm not convinced DH will come, but it will at least be documented that I am trying to put DS's needs first. Those of you telling me to get over it and move on - trust me, I want nothing more. My DS however, loves his father and this shock may not be so easy for him.

I will also speak with my lawyer again about potentially putting a provision in place that protects DS from this situation, even if only temporarily. I would like him to meet and get to know AP before having to spend the night at her house. As I said earlier, he has no idea she exists. We haven't yet finalized a separation or settlement agreement. As you can imagine, it's difficult to negotiate with an untrustworthy person.

Thanks again.[/quote]

OP, you don't HAVE to allow these overnights until there is a separation agreement in place, or a divorce decree that lays out the terms. Just say no. I can't imagine any psychologist suggesting such a fast introduction of the AP to your son, even prior the divorce.

To all those suggesting involving child protective services, psychologists, therapists etc - keep in mind that in DC area, for example, involving an independent evaluation of custody arragmement of this sort may easily cost $30K. I recommend using an insurance covered psychologist or a family therapist who can record things, make recommendations etc., unless things indeed go to court for 2 of you.

And let the dad enforce his rights, don't spend your money on his custodial rights. [/quote]

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