Reply to My wife cheated on me for 2 years with a co-worker...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^overwhelmingly in favor of telling.

The only circumstance suggesting not to tell was if the kids had no idea and you weren’t divorcing.

If they have suspicion, if family knows and it could slip out, if you already have g/friend, b/friend, if it was with a person they know...

Re-read BOTH articles and not with a self-serving view of not having to face people knowing what you did.[/quote]

From the psych today article:

But should parents tell about the affair, particularly if a child is able to understand the nature of infidelity? Let’s look at the argument that such knowledge is hurtful. It is true that children can be hurt by finding out this inconvenient truth about one of their parents. And, ideally, we ought to avoid unnecessarily hurting our children at all costs[b]. But the unfaithful spouse is mistaken to believe the pain inflicted by the affair happens at the moment the child is told. No, the harm done to the child occurs at the moment that that partner elected to go outside the marriage for an emotional or physical relationship. When an affair happens, it cheats the spouse and the family of the love and commitment of a partner and parent. Telling the child may put an ugly name on why a parent has pulled away from the family, but it is, ultimately, naming a truth. And if there is one thing that affairs teach us, it is how devastating lies can be.[/b][/quote]

yes.  The article concludes with one 'probably not" which is if the kids don't know and you are choosing to reconcile and stay together.

all the other rest (4 other situations) are 'probably so'.  The first article is from some renowned therapists in family/couples counseling which spells out in detail why it's so bad to lie to the kids.

If my kids had zero idea and were young, I wouldn't tell them even if I were divorcing.  But, if they were old enough to demand to know why--all evidence is it's healthier in the long-run for them not to be lied to.[/quote]

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