Reply to Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

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Reply to "Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not mad. I am shocked he did not expect that reaction. It seems really immature. I would not mention unless serious. By the way, only typical Americans in my opinion, would think this. I would not mention anyone unless at a serious stage. In conservative families with strong cultural ties, there is no reason to bring up a boyfriend or girlfriend unless you are considering marriage. “Dating” is not really acceptable. Most people in the US do not understand this. I am American but have very conservative strong cultural ties so I am not like most Americans. You just don’t bring up a random boyfriend/girlfriend.[/quote]

New poster here.  I echo the question  “what are you looking for”? If it’s a FWB situation then anyone can bounce for any reason and boomerang back for any reason.  Usually, it’s assumed to be a limited time or an in between or until.  If that is what you want, then sure, take him back if he comes back but with eyes wide open that he could buckle to pressure to get married to someone his parents encourage or break up again if he wants more than a FWB situation and knows that it will never fly with his family if it’s with you. But I have to question though why there is all this emotion, him with tears at the breakup, and you bewildered about why the FWB had to come to an end if it was a short term arrangement to start. If you are looking for a long term monogamous situation, even one that doesn’t mean marriage or kids, unless his parents have accepted that he is never going to marry or have kids or he is willing to stand up to them get them to accept that (which at this point sounds unlikely) you are wasting your time.  It doesn’t matter if he keeps it secret because he would still have the pressure of being unmarried.[/quote]

OP here: This was not a short-term FWB situation. It was meant to be a long-term situation that did not involve marriage. The problem is that they have not accepted he is over the marriage and kids thing. Not seeing me will not solve his problem. He has not dealt with that apparently but he had indicated he had. If they truly understood that, this would be less of a shock. But also, I don't see the point of it even coming up if it is going to met with disapproval. [b]This situation showed me he had not truly dealt with family pressure issues like he indicated he had. They backed off a long time ago. But what he told me repeatedly he has not told them directly. He was just ignoring questions.[/b] He thought my mentioning me it might stop those questions of "have you met someone"? not realizing it would blow up. It blew up of course but [b]I think a lot of that has to due with the fact that he has not had direct conversations about what he wants in life now and it is not that tradtional path it might have been 10 years ago. [/b]He expressed that he did not want a baby at this point in his life many times. He should man up and tell them that because otherwise, he has going to have to deal with family pressure that has nothing to do with me personally. No one is going to fit in the US with their expecations. At age 40 and over, most people have baggage and a past. It is just reality he and they are going to have to deal with. Even mid 30s might not look "perfect."[/quote]

PP here.  OP, you just answered your own question.  You should not think of taking him back, unless he has had direct conversations with his family and they have accepted he isn’t marrying and having kids.  The question would be how would you know he actually had those direct conversations and not just telling you want you want to hear.[/quote]

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