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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]WW wife — thanks for posting.  I am 30 year wife.  The therapy and work you have done on yourself sounds veyr much like what my husband is doing.  There is no deflection, no blame, it had nothing to do with me.  I was a wonderful wife and mother and we had plenty of sex.  The issues lay with him and lack of integration was a very real issue.  Therapy will be life long but even though I am in the worst pain of my life a lot, I still find it more of a worthy path for me to watch my husband put himself together again and become the man and husband he should have been all along.  The issue with the OW here is that she happened to intersect with him at a very bad time for him and we do need people who are not just looking to bed married men which I think might be part of her bag.  Anyway good for you for doing the work and facing yourself in the mirror.  My husband is doing the same and I know his pain is enormous for what he did to me and us and that he almost lost me and will lose me if the huge changes somehow did not continue,.[/quote]

I could have written this post.  24 year wife with almost identical situation/circumstances (except OW’s marriage was not open).  They got the worst of these men.  The men at that point and time were at their all time lowest, not good people. I agree with your assessment that they intersected at a very bad time for him.  When he was going through a very bad time internally. Not the person you married 30 years ago. You knew him long before and saw the midlife change.  With all that therapy and sorting out leftover childhood issues and/or internal crap, he is going to be even better than the man you initially fell in love with.  Another pp mentioned the crack that is there and how the marriage will never be the same.  That’s not a bad thing.  Esther Perel and Shirley Glass talk about how people can be married many times to the same person.  You can create marriage 2.0 now.  With all of the therapy you are both doing, you learn new coping and how to connect better.  You throw out the parts that weren’t working and add new things.  He will no longer be afraid to be 100% vulnerable and actually have the deep conversations.  Nobody is the same at 25 that they are at 50 or again at 70.  People’s needs change and they learn and grow.  While nobody would wish to go through something as awfully traumatic as this (and it truly is incredibly traumatic for the ones that regret what they did too), it can ultimately for the best because it created a crisis that called for great change.  There is a Japanese quote: My barn having burned down, I can now see the moon.

I hope having Wayward Wife give a perspective from a cheater that truly has changed, it will quiet some of the women that want to be nasty to the betrayed wives.  There is something going on in their own lives to lash out at strangers and ridicule them.[/quote]

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