Reply to Finding the birth mother in a closed adoption from Eastern Europe

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oy. I've been thinking about this for days and wanted to give one last shot at reasoning with OP.

Look, I understand that your daughter *wants* to find her birth mom. But you don't seem to be processing at all that your daughter has far less to lose here than her birth mother does.

Worst case scenario for your daughter is that she goes through her life wishing she had found her birth mom.

Worst case scenario for her birth mom is that she loses her livelihood, her marriage, and her family.

So, sure, tell the local adoption agency your daughter would love to meet her birth mom and see if the birth mom has already left a message.

Check the message boards and see if the birth mom has posted.

But, for the love of all that is holy, do not hire a private investigator to track this woman down. If she wants to be found, she will have made herself findable. If she doesn't, you need to respect that. [/quote]

OP, listen to this person.  We have an open adoption and part is good and part is bad.  Birth mom's family did not know for a very long time about our child/us and we respected her wishes to leave it alone.  She had good reasons.  They are lovely people and very kind to us now that its open but there was a lot of shame and embarrassment involved.  And, on the flip, birth father's family are horrible horrible horrible people and we wish for our child's sake not to have engaged at all with them.  Pure heartache.  [/quote]

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