Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Like my mama always said "marry them young and train them hard" :lol:[/quote]
So... why is it that it is up to women to "train" the husbands?  Who trained us? Why is it that we can see what needs to be done and do it without being given a chore list?  My husband will gladly "help out" if I give him a very specific list of what needs to be done... but the fact that I have to tell him what to do and that he still sees it as "assisting" in my domain makes me extremely angry.  Did women in the 1960s and 1970s, when many more were entering the workforce have to be "trained" in how to behave and perform in business?  No - women entered the workforce, killing it in every way possible, while still keeping the lion's share of home responsibilities.  We are doing something very wrong in our society if many men STILL need to be told what to do or are still unable to complete basic home tasks.[/quote]

+ 1 million!!!!  This is EXACTLY how I feel.  Why in the hell do I have to figure it all out, get it all done, tell everyone else what needs to get done, do it correctly (yes there is a correct and an incorrect way to do lots of things, not everything is inconsequential), and he can't?     The last time we went away for a week, I literally had to stand around like a drill sergeant telling him what to do, what to pack, where to put things constantly, or nothing would get done or he would keep asking me "what should I do?"  "What car are we taking?"  "Where should I put this?"     It's ridiculous.  It's tiring.  It's lonely.  It's exasperating because now I'm seen as a drill sergeant but my only other option is to do it all myself...literally.     "Where are the garbage bags?  What do I make so and so for lunch ?   Is she allergic to this?   Questions he should know by now if he used half of his very smart brain for anything important to our family except for making money.    I have lost all respect.  I'm so sick and tired of being married to someone who in some respects is still 12.   It's insane, and if you couldn't tell, it also makes me very angry.   I want to be married to an adult, someone who doesn't need a mommy anymore.   I wanted a companion, a friend, a partner.   Yet I have another child to manage instead.  [/quote]

How did you pack when you were dating? I don't understand how some of this stuff comes out of nowhere.

I do think people put off having the serious conversations by turning into the drill sergeant. Literally just do not do not. Let him fail and let him have to fix it. Other than the allergy thing. If he asks you about the garbage bags say you don't know. If he asks what car you're taking ask, which one does he think? If he asks what his kid is allergic to say, 'how can we get you to remember this, what do you think she's allergic to?' Or just don't be around in those moments so he's forced to figure it out on his own.

If he forgets to pack diapers or underwear well, then he's going to have to go find some. And he should have to take the kid with him while he does it. Don't save him, don't be a drill sergeant.

My DH does the laundry, if DD comes to me asking where a shirt is, I send her to him. If he doesn't know where it is, they have to figure that out together. I don't care about the shirt, its his stuff. Divide things up, and then just don't ever throw the life preserver (unless they have the stomach flu or something)[/quote]

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