Reply to SAHM vs WOHM, why the strong feelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some of this is also the “provider” narrative with some of the DCUM debates.  [b]That there is a competition of how good of a guy you have and how worthy you must have been to get that guy based on either how much of a provider or how involved he is in the family life and division of labor in the household.    The law firm partner who also coaches their kids sports teams and you see at school events and his wife is a SAHM with help - I just think - well she has it like that. [/b] There are lots of debates that can be had about the “provider” mindset, what if that doesn’t work for the guy, does that make him a bad guy?is it okay for the woman to be the provider.  Does having the man as the provider mindset hold woman back either themselves or others.  I’ve heard of someone choosing not to get rid of a guy that wasn’t doing his job well because he had “a family to provide for” while not giving a promotion to a woman because they said they didn’t have enough money for the raise.  Is it okay for the woman to be the provider?  I feel like people are still feeling their way around these questions and define what makes a good spouse and what makes a good parent without some of the gender defines roles. Some of the SAHM vs WOHM debates are an extension of these things.[/quote]

[quote]I'm not really getting your point here. All else being equal, who wouldn't rather have more money? Who wouldn't rather have their husband more involved with their children and family life? Granted, not everyone wants to be a SAHM. But the other things you point out, who wouldn't want that?[i]Someone who makes a lot of money but still prioritizes your family life?[/i][/quote] [/quote]

PP here.  The subtext is that the women’s worth or value is being defined in context of her partner.  Instead of the narrative being who wouldn’t want to be that person that makes a lot of money and still prioritizes the family, more value is sometimes placed on finding someone that can do that, not on being that person yourself.  Are we raising our daughters with the idea that she can be that someone who makes a lot of money and prioritizes the family?  Are we raising our sons with the idea that prioritizing the family (in terms of being involved in family life and household chores) is as important as making money?   I will also add that although society has changed so more women work outside the home, I have to acknowledge that for my family, great grandmother was an immigrant from the Caribbean in the 1920’s on one side and ADOS (American Descendants of Slaves) in the south on the other, it was never this 1950’s Leave it to Beaver scenario where suddenly there was this choice about working or that marrying a provider was the default option for generations.[/quote]

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