Reply to Coming to terms with your teen being unmotivated and unimpressive?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP it’s impossible for me to evaluate if your son actually has a problem or not from your post. Objectively: he has friends and seems to socialize regularly (good sign), he plays a sport (good sign), he is passionate about things (video games and watching sports), he slacks off (not great but not dire either), he’s on adderall but doesn’t always take it (bad sign). This sounds like a mixed bag. He seems relatively well adjusted. You don’t mention grades, drug or alcohol use, behavioral issues at home or at school... those are all red flags that would concern me. His lack of athletic competitiveness does not concern me.

What concerns me is the story you are telling yourself and us about him. The word “lazy” is so loaded with judgment. So is “unimpressive”. Who would you like him to impress? You? Your friends? Your family? Does he impress his friends? Himself? Is he funny? Kind?

Do you love him? Not in an obligatory “of course, he’s my son” way. But in an unconditional, I love you no matter what, you are valuable to me and worthy of my love no matter what way?

It concerns me that I’m not sure of the answers to these questions. I couldn’t care less if your son goes running during his sport’s preseason. But I’m very bothered by the way you talk about your kid with this detached, judgmental tone, as though he’s a job applicant. That freaks me out.[/quote]

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