Reply to Why do men assume their wife will become a SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is not a knock on moms  that choose to stay home of their own volition.

I'm talking about guys who marry a woman with a career.  Guys that get with awoman knowing her career is important to her, that she spent years getting into her position, same as he did,  that just assume she'll stay home because he doesn't like  daycare or his mom stayed home, and his brother's wife stays home, or because he makes money?

Why is it overwhelmingly the woman who is expected to sacrifice her career ,even if it's not what she wants.

To be fair, I now one dad who altered his career to stay home when his kids were small instead of ecpexting his wife, too, but why is this so rare?[/quote]

Not my husband. I have a PhD and worked full time before our twins. When I brought up the idea of staying at home with them for a few years he was completely against it. He said if he wanted a trophy sahm type of woman he would have married one![/quote]

Honestly, this is almost as bad as the men who expect their wives to quit their jobs and stay home.

Most women I know have advanced degrees, value working, worked before they had kids, and intend to work until retirement age if not longer if they are able.

But most women I know also would have liked (or did) take lengthy maternity leaves or even a few years off around the time their kids are born. It is incredibly hard to return to work quickly after having a baby for many women, and those first few years with an infant/toddler while working a full time job can be really tough. Even the women I know with great childcare arrangements (very good nannies, au pairs, youngish grandparents who want and can provide childcare, or really good daycares) struggle a lot in those early years.

What men need to understand is that kids, and family, don't just happen. Whether a woman wants to stay home with her kids or not, it's not a simple financial cost-benefit, nor is it about "trophy wives" versus working women. Someone has to make the family work as a unit, and it's almost always the woman whether she works or not. I see the allure of SAH because at least the you can focus on that role without the added stress of work. But I also see the allure of staying employed, having more autonomy, and making money.

The problem is that either way, you're going to be doing the bulk of family management, whether that's hiring and managing a nanny or doing the childcare yourself or some combination thereof, plus doing most of the house management, plus making sure everyone makes it to the doctor/dentist... it's endless.

Everyone who thinks they solved it by SAH or going to work, who thinks they beat the system and other women are lazy, or dumb, or suckers -- that attitude is part of the problem.[/quote]

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