Reply to When is the most impactful age to SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think the most important thing is laying the groundwork for a strong parent-child bond with good communication and trust. My personal experience is that this is easiest to do when children are very young, and so I would opt to stay home 0-3 (which is what I did) because it allows you to get to know your child and their personality and learning style. I think you could still do this while working, it would just require more careful scheduling and attention.

I will say that I didn't get what I wanted or needed from my parents when I was in middle school and high school, but my mom being a SAHM didn't make that any easier. They were just not emotionally available or supportive and didn't seem to like me as a person. I would have rather my mom had worked and had a functional relationship with her than have had a mom who was home all the time but didn't know how to talk to me or support me. I also think if my mom had worked more during my childhood, she would have had more self-esteems and a better relationship with herself, which would have made things between us much better.

So I guess I land on the "0-3" spectrum of things, but really I think the key is to develop relationship patterns that are healthy and mutually trusting so that regardless of whether you are home during the day or not, your kid knows they can come to you with problems and can rely on you for unconditional love and support.

I do agree a flexible job can be invaluable, though I think of that as more of a practical issue -- a life with children is very full, and it is very hard to impossible to fit your entire non-work life into the hours of 7pm to 6am. The more flexible the jobs of both parents, the easier that balance will be. I think you can be a good parent with a demanding job, but I think it is much harder and requires you to really focus on your parenting. You also have to have a very supportive (probably SAH) partner and/or extended family who can help. Yes, you can hire people as well, but no matter how good your nanny, that's never going to be the same as having reliable family members in your child's life every day. No matter how good your child's relationship with the nanny, they are not family and they are being paid to be there. Your kid needs to know that there are people in their life who are not paid employees, who will love them and support them no matter what. If your job is too demanding for that, don't have kids.[/quote]

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