Reply to SAHMS getting a job after divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.[/quote]

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.[/quote]

I think many women don’t realize this until it’s too late.  They only read the fiction of fabulous lives and ex’s $.[/quote]

I don’t know any woman who divorced thinking they would get a ton of money, and they were all happy to give up money for their freedom. [/quote]

It is not the old days. Women are not being supported post-divorce. People who think otherwise have no clue. [/quote]

The original question was SAHM.

A woman who is a SAHM in a long-term relationship will get spousal support. Typically for half the length of the marriage and if married over 20 years, lifetime. Especially if the husband is a high earner.[/quote]

No. Your information is about 60 years old. A SAHM will NOT get long term spousal support and definitely not lifetime spousal support. She will get a full time job and support herself like functioning adults do.
At BEST she will get a couple dollars while she trains her way back into the workforce.[/quote]

No, honey. My information about this is not 60 years old. It is based on my experience getting separated and divorced in Virginia in the last 18 months.

It really comes down to the judge. Wife is required to work but in cases where she is a SAHM and doesn’t have earning potential, spousal support typically will be awarded for a duration of half the marriage, especially if there is a huge income difference.

I literally just went through this. What is your experience?

I ultimately ended up not having to pay her because I could provide adultery. But that was the only reason.[/quote]

I am not that poster but your situation is not the norm. Most women in this area are not in this category: "SAHM and doesn’t have earning potential". Most are two income couples and if they are not, one spouse does not often make more than 250k a year to award enough spousal support to live on. And most don't have adultery as a factor where the offending party was the person without any income.

Most people do not get spousal support, and if they do, it is temporary until they can get a job. Especially people with household incomes of less than 250k. [/quote]

Repeating something endlessly doesn’t make it true. I asked for your basis for your misinformation and you haven’t provided it.

I just went through this. I had the law fully explained to me by two different lawyers — the first one I consulted and the one I retained.

The LAW still grants spousal support and in cases where a SAHM has exited her career to care for children for any length of time, she will be given an imputed income and spousal support will be awarded for half the duration of the marriage based on the income differential. Because let’s be honest: in cases where a woman is just a stay at home mommy and the dad actually works, he is going to have a high income. This is a fairly common scenario, especially in the DCUM demographic.

So you get the dad earning $240,000 and the mom with an imputed income of, say, $60,000, spousal support will be awarded for a duration of half the marriage. If they were married more than 20 years, it can be awarded lifetime.

But if she cheats and it can be proven in court, she gets nothing.

This is the law, at least in Virginia. What you “think” happens isn’t relevant.

[/quote]

You are not getting it. I understand the law. I just divorced an attorney. And I consulted three of my own.

Yes, you are correct—in your case.

What you are not understanding is that your situation is not the vast majority of divorces. It is the minority. Most cases don’t go to court—they mediate or do collaborative law so no judge is involved. (and most people to not have a cheating SAHM). Most people try to stay out of court on purpose. Most people do not get spousal support and it is  usually temporary.

I am not disputing the law—I am disputing the fact that you think your case is the norm and it is not.

My ex refused be amicable if I tried to get spousal support despite the fact that I followed his career and had to get out of the workforce for a few years due to moving. I did not want to do that. However, due to my salary history and that I worked most of the marriage, I would have gotten spousal support for a few years if I went to court or if I did collaborative divorce. We did the cheapest and I waived it because spousal support would have meant selling the house (he kept it). I could have insisted but he would be more difficult to deal with long term, kids would have to move, etc., etc. Even in my case, if I got spousal support, it would not have been more than a few years due to my salary history.

More cases are like mine than yours. Most people are not getting the kind of spousal support you think they do. That’s all. Your legally correct in the particular scenario you describe…but that is a minority of divorces. Most don't even see a court room and many people are not SAHMs.
[/quote]

I think the SAHM v high earner is common in DCUM land and even in trying to avoid court most men end up paying spousal support in those cases because they know what the law is and what a judge would rule.

Remember, the question was asked on DCUM and framed entirely about SAHMs.

Yes, they will be expected to get a job. But yes, they will also likely receive support if there is an income disparity.

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