Reply to Children of divorce - how to decide where they live after 18?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - what is your issue? That you don't want your 18 year old living with you after he/she graduates and you want to force them to live at the other parents? Is it a problem kid? If so, I'd hate to think you are trying to make sure you aren't stuck with them. If you want them and aren't sure if the other parent does too, you should discuss it. But I hope you aren't trying to kick out a kid that used to live with you,[/quote]

Not trying to force anything. Just trying to understand how to decide whether to offer or not.

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If your kid is a responsible 18 year old, I don’t see why you wouldn’t offer? What’s his/her plan after graduation? Kicking a teen out at 18, or even saying “I don’t have room for you at my house”, is absolutely devastating to your relationship. Your goal as a parent is to get your teen to want, and have the ability to leave on their own. Many parents keep a room in their home for their kid to come home to during college breaks. If you can’t or don’t want to do that, start preparing now.[/quote]

I understand - but there are two, separate bio parents in this situation. DC has always felt more comfortable with other parent - though that parent is further from university. Considering the challenges we had during the adolescent years (alienation) it would feel like I was just being used as a convenience...

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You had a challenging relationship with your kid and believe it was due to the other parent’s alienation and now you are hesitating in offering to have the kid love with you during college because it might be too convenient?  You have a chance to spend time with the kid as adults and maybe develop a relationship separate from ex-spouse but instead you’re inclined to see it as being used?  I’d think if there was alienation you’d be jumping at the chance to show your kid the other parent was wrong about who you are and your feelings for the kid.  If in fact the parent was wrong and you wanted to be more of a part of your kid’s life than you got to be.[/quote]

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