Reply to Focused on the Children - death knell for your Marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a common theme among divorced dads. [/quote]

Workaholic victims of their wives running the entire household, child raising, family schedule etc herself once she realized she can’t count on her spouse for much of anything. [/quote]

The irony is many of these Dads seem to make it work with 50% custody.[/quote]

I have a friend considering divorce now.  Her husband doesn’t do anything.  I don’t have the heart to explain to her that her normal college educated husband is most likely going to start parenting once he had the kids 50% of the time.  All of a sudden the kids will be clothed, they will have dinners to eat, driven around etc when they are with dad.  [/quote]

I have seen this scenario over and over- you are likely right.

Often the issue is if mom is available - dad will sit back and let her do everything. Suddenly when he has the kids 50% of the time he seems to manage. I don’t know how this gets during the marriage though- the dad is often resistant.[/quote]

Sad but true.

We had this phenomenon in our household. If there was ever another adult in the house - nanny, playdate parent, grandparent, wife - the husband would check out. He just assumed someone else was watching the kids or watching for accidents. This resulted in a lot of accidents - doors slammed in 2 to fingers (“but I was talking with my friends a foot away!”3 to followed gramps outside when he reparked the car and almost gets run over, kid walked up the bowling alley lane and had a nasty slip (“but there were other parents there!”), 3 yo falls in pool and sinks to bottom (“But you were right there holding the baby screaming!”).

It won’t get better, there is now a formal Dx. But the kids are older and I now go out a lot for girls dinners, book clubs, gym classes, lectures about 2x a week. He can manage ok, house will be a mess and I’ll have 10 more mins of checking school work or backpacks for the AM. I work FT and have some travel. I refuse to let him off the hook. But I love my own life too, which was the game changer for my sanity, post his Dx. [/quote]

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