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[quote=Anonymous]Anonymous wrote:
Two issues-

1. He is intelligent, controlling, and dominant yet still passive if that makes sense. It wasn’t clear to me what this looked like for awhile but I’ve figured it out. He will act very easy going but actually has a very clear idea of how he wants things to go and will act out passive aggressively if this does not happen. Conflict avoidant which leads to breakdown in communication.

2. I resent him being socially kind of awkward. Doesn’t have friends unless through me. Never does hobbies or initiates activities. Does not bring much fun to our relationship. Very serious and worries a lot about health and money (neither of which we have issues with).

Wow. You just described my DH.
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Ditto! During the dating and engagement phase, this looks like somebody who is "easy going" and is willing to compromise, which should be a good sign. But the person still has his own money, controls his own time, lives in his own space, so you aren't actually threatening his choices and therefore you never see that he can't stand up for himself in a healthy way.  Nor can he compromise in the real sense of the word.

And the hobbies/boring stuff looks like he's so interested in your and your amazing world of lovely friends and family that he wants to join in. In my case, my activities were dinner parties, hiking, sailing, woodworking, and back country camping. It didn't strike me as odd that he wanted to join in on these things, and the last thing I expected was that he'd want me to stop doing those things once we were married.  Mine also worried about money.  He came from UMC money and I didn't. I was more than content with what we had and our income trajectories, but he believed us to be "broke" with a HHI of $350K and no debts other than a mortgage. This was almost twice what we were making when we were first married, but he would constantly move the goalpost.  So it was clear that no matter how much we made, we'd be broke and unable to just relax about finances forever. As for health, I actually think he was bummed every time I had a physical and all my blood work would come back perfect.[/quote]

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