Reply to Spouse hiding work-wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m going to go against the grain here a little bit.   It doesn’t sound like they’re texting in the evenings or over the weekend.  The content of the texts sounds tame, as it’s work or neutral family convo’s like kid soccer.   The only thing op’s found that is disconcerting is that they’ve met up for drinks after a work event.

Op, [b]it sounds a little bit like you’re setting up the rules in your favor, and you’re mad he’s not following them, even though he probably doesn’t even know they exist.  You have a co-worker that you go so far as to call your “work-husband”.  You spend time solo with this person.  But you’ve declared it okay because you tell your husband about it.  Did he agree to that?  Did you talk it through?  Did he have a choice in it?   Is there any level of flirtation in your relationship with your co-worker?   Frankly, I’d say even calling him a work-husband is a level of flirtation.[/b] I think you need to be a bit more introspective on your own actions here and how they may be impacting your marriage.  Maybe start there.  Ask him if it bothers him at all.  Maybe there’s something to it.  [/quote]

Bolded is absolutely a double standard. As pp says, you made the rules in your favor for your labeled "work husband". Maybe DH just didn't tell you because being out with colleagues is an umbrella statement. Should he have updated that he was continuing on to meet another colleague? Access to spouse's emails and cell phones is paranoid and nuts. Spying is even worse.

I will say this though, those who talk it up about their "work spouses" are more clever and manipulative. This behavior normalizes the relationship so there is no suspicion. You fall into this category OP (not saying your cheating). But it's a classic cheater move.

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