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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m going to go against the grain here a little bit.   It doesn’t sound like they’re texting in the evenings or over the weekend.  The content of the texts sounds tame, as it’s work or neutral family convo’s like kid soccer.   The only thing op’s found that is disconcerting is that they’ve met up for drinks after a work event.

Op, it sounds a little bit like you’re setting up the rules in your favor, and you’re mad he’s not following them, even though he probably doesn’t even know they exist.  You have a co-worker that you go so far as to call your “work-husband”.  You spend time solo with this person.  But you’ve declared it okay because you tell your husband about it.  Did he agree to that?  Did you talk it through?  Did he have a choice in it?   Is there any level of flirtation in your relationship with your co-worker?   Frankly, I’d say even calling him a work-husband is a level of flirtation.  I think you need to be a bit more introspective on your own actions here and how they may be impacting your marriage.  Maybe start there.  Ask him if it bothers him at all.  Maybe there’s something to it.  [/quote]

I’m all about introspection, how ones actions impact marriages. And yes, her work husband was impacting her marriage but hiding a relationship with a woman from your wife gives me pause. Now it may be nothing but I 100% think there’s a possibility it may be something. And I do not necessarily agree that her relationship with her coworker was a catalyst for his relationship with his coworker.

I do think she should talk to him in general about the state of their marriage because she does feel he’s been distant. I think she should start there. Don’t mention you snooped or mention what you know. For now. [/quote]

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