Reply to Excessively dependent mother still completely helpless months after dad's death

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She needs companionship. The cheaper solution is to hire an aide or elder companion for a few hours a day or every other day and save the big guns for when and if she needs it someday. [/quote]
Oops. Our messages overlapped.

As far as companionship, she has lovely neighbors - I've met three of them - who have asked her to join them with various social activities (and in the dining room for meals). So she has opportunity for socializing, but it's not the "help" she needs. When my sister and I made the very suggestion you did - hire an aide for every other day - she said she needs an aide full-time if she doesn't go back to AL. (Not overnights....she has the pendant.) But it would still be for at let 12 hours a day, at $25 an hour, five days a week, which adds up to $300 a day, or $1500 a week in addition to the $3,600 for the apartment. We're back up to almost $10,000 a month.

She has been irate on the phone the last couple of days because she says she is being neglected. 
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Why don't you hire her full time maid? It seems that all she needs is a maid. You can ask around in the local hotel, many of those ladies will be happy to take up job like that.  300 a day is a lot more then a maid will cost.

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She really needs someone who is used to working with elderly people and their deficiencies, including emotional ones. We couldn't expect the maid to encourage my mom to go to exercise class or to the dining room, and I think that's critical.

Also, wouldn't it be enabling my mom? It's like saying, "here, Mom. I know you can't change the channel on the TV, so you will get a full-time maid to sit there all day and then, if you decide you want a different channel, she will do that for you."

Plus, I don't think it's all that cheap. Merry Maids charges $50 an hour for a two-hour minimum. It's two women, so $25/hr each.
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