Reply to Excessively dependent mother still completely helpless months after dad's death

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, several of your posts have referenced hospice. If your mom has hospice services, some medical professional has assessed that she has less than 6 months left to live. In my experience (PP w/ father who had dementia) it's VERY hard to qualify for hospice without a clearly terminal condition - they don't give away hospice services just for old age. So either you're misstating things out of confusion or there's something else going on here...[/quote]
Just checked back in for a sec.....

The hospice I am referencing is the hospice we had in connection with my father. He definitely qualified. The service continues, to an extent, after death - with the survivors. The social worker contacted my mother after Dad died to see how she could help her with grieving. They also have offered my mother a bereavement support group, which she has thus far declined. I will continue to encourage her. [/quote]

Yeah, no, you need to find a different SW. I would think the independent living place has one.

Who ever said you could find someone for less that $25--b.s. I live in the Midwest and did home health care a long, long time ago. I called my old boss to see about an aide to relieve my sister, whose house mom lived in during her 80s and who needed respite I would not able to provide. It was more than $25/hr and did not involve any tasks that would require CNA certification. And you would want to use an agency to hire someone rather than dealing with that yourself--background checks, having backups, etc.

I'm guessing that when your dad was incapacitated the people who were supposed to be caring for him ended up doing things for your mom? [/quote]
Yes, that's exactly what happened. And, according to the AL agreement, she was entitled to that. We were paying for both of them to be in AL so they could stay together. So she would hit her pendant if she wanted a gingerale, to have the TV channel changed, to bring her up meals from the dining room, etc. She became very accustomed to having a pendant to ring whenever she wanted something,

My sister and I explained to her that the pendant she has now, in the new place, is for emergencies - if she falls or if she is sick - and NOT for help with the shower, etc. She understands that and has not used it, but she also understands that if she were to go back to AL, she could go back to using the pendant for whatever she wants.

I'm still sticking with the compromise of a PT aide. My sister likes the idea as well. (I am heading over there in a couple of hours to talk with the staff about the situation.  My sister is already there since it's her weekend.)

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