Reply to Mother has decided to “retire” at 58

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]American culture is so strange. Grandparents refuse to help out with grandchildren, adult children refuse to help support aging parents. I was born and raised here, but it's such a strange comparison to other cultures where family members are expected to help each other. 
 [/quote]

It's because of [b]how parents raise children here.[/b] I'm an Eastern European (not born here) married to an American. The way my husband was raised, I can only call mild neglect - he was sheltered and fed, but as a baby he was stuck in daycare (my own kids are in daycare, but in his case it was often [b]overnight daycare so his parents could socialize)[/b]. Starting with elementary school, he was a latchkey kid while parents built careers and lived their best lives. [b]He ate dinner alone most nights unless friends' parents took pity on him[/b]. And I'm not talking about people who were working day and night trying to make ends meet, I'm talking about people who left early by choice to go to the gym, and came home late because they stopped for dinner or drinks with friends, leaving their [b]elementary schooler at home alone to heat up frozen processed meals. He was made to move out at 18, worked full time and went to school full time, and got zero help from them - he lived on ketchup on bread at times. [/b]

[b]DCUM would say, his parents didn't owe him anything, he was an adult and needed to pay his own way.[/b] But now that his parents are old, they expect love and support and a close bond. Where exactly is that bond supposed to come from, magic? [/quote]

That is not "how parents raise children here."  That is neglect.  Not mild neglect; neglect.  And it is specific to your DH, not common among American families.[/quote]

I think in PP's husband's case it was definitely neglect, but a lot of my friends were similarly shoved out the door at 18 and left to fend for themselves while they struggled. I don't see how those parents can do that and then expect help from the same children in their golden years. [/quote]

DP here. I don’t know anyone who got shoved out of the house at 18. And when I’ve read about people who were shoved out, there inevitably was lots of neglect and a poorly functioning family unit to begin with. This is in no way typical or common in the US. 
[/quote]

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