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[quote=Anonymous]Op here.

DH had a frank discussion with a family member who made it clear that his mom can't watch three kids. I think he's coming around and understands. He's been looking more into the nanny situation and he is in agreement that a nanny works best, despite that he still feels like he got the short end of the stick. But whatever, I'm grateful he's coming around regardless.

I don't think DH or SIL was entirely reality based in their line of thinking by assuming MIL can watch three kids. I think it could be a bit of denial over how frail their mom really is and how incapacitated she becomes when she gets sick. Also, big red flag for me if she were to provide childcare because it could really leave me in a bind.

If a nanny costs more, then a nanny costs more. Thankfully DH's salary covers all the household costs but for me to stay at home and quit my job would cost more than just my salary. It would be lost retirement funds, savings contributions, savings for college funds. I would like for us to both have good pensions and not just one and social security in our old ages. I don't want my career to be put on hold, and also even if a nanny costs half my salary that's still losing out on 50K/year. Also, yes I understand it's a "shared household expense", but it's really just how I calculate things.

Also, I don't mind my job at all and I work full time from home. What works best for me is to hire a nanny to avoid the early morning shuffle with drop offs. I would much rather be getting up at 6AM/6:30 for work and start my day checking my emails in my robe than getting DS and I dressed and up at 5AM to leave the house just after 6 to do dropoff at MIL house or a daycare.

I agree that grandma should be able to enjoy her time as a grandma and not necessarily have the burden of being a FT caregiver to her grandchildren but that's her choice. What I would have loved is for DS to have one afternoon a week with MIL for some 1-1 time with grandma at our house. That's not likely now that SIL needs childcare 5 days/week, 8-5 from MIL. That bums me out a bit that she may miss out on DS's early years.

My own mother is deceased and I'm an only child. My Dad lives 12+ hours away. DH's family is the only one who is close by.

What would actually really help is some pointers on where we can hire a nanny, either an agency or website. We've been looking on care.com and Facebook groups.[/quote]

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