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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Resentment to DH as stated upthread, but also the resentment towards WOH moms whose kids are in daycare. I'm sorry if I'm not feeling chipper and enthusiastic like you - You are "refreshed" and haven't been with your kids since the moment they work up like a SAHM. So, yea, I am a bit burnt out by the time it is 430pm - my kids have been awake for the last 8+ hours and bedtime isn't for another 4 hours. Those 12 hrs days get long even with screen time mixed in (gasp!), outings/playground/nature center, playdates, etc. 24/7. 
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Yeah, I'm so refreshed after a long day at work. If working is so easy why don't you just go back? [/quote]

Ha.  Not that pp, but I used to envy the adult conversation that dh had at work, as well as, his ability to focus on something for longer than 3 minutes w/o a baby or toddler interrupting him.  I even envied his "alone time" during his commute into work.

I can laugh at it now but, at the time, when simply going to the bathroom all by myself was not easy those were some very real feelings.[/quote]

Yes!! I cried last week when my husband returned from a business trip (four hours of sweet silence each way on the Acela) and casually showed me video of some dumb Grateful Dead cover band playing in a bar he’d gone to after his meetings.[b] I can’t remember the last time I was at a bar, or saw live music that wasn’t kid-themed, or had a beer without one eyeball following a toddler around the room. [/b]I bawled like a crazy person and he didn’t get it. At all.

[b]Like this thread points out there are so many things about my daily SAHM routine that I need to value now. But there are also issues of dignity and basic human needs that are so tough. I don’t poop alone, ever. I rarely get a full shower/blow dry. I have to ask permission and move mountains to go to the doctor. I feel like a servant, a nanny. My marriage has suffered. [/b]

I am also so grateful to lay with my kids while they nap, and to see our city through them, and to have found part time work that I’m proud of. [/quote]

This is pathetic.  Stop being a mommy martyr.  Hire yourself a babysitter.  Have date nights.  Go and see live music.  Have your hair done.  You don’t have to give up your life because you have some kids.  Eventually they will be in school.  Then what?  [/quote]

[b]It's a stage of life pp.  They aren't little forever and you do get your freedom back eventually.  Dh & I really didn't need to go out on date nights because once the kids were sleeping through the night we would put them to bed (7pm) and have the rest of the evening together.  We made it work.[/b]

Flash forward a couple of decades later - dh and I do go bar hopping on occasion, we see live music, we even stay out overnight if we want to.  It does get easier.  But I still remember what it was like to be in the trenches of parenting small children.[/quote]

Good job losing your identity!!![/quote]

These mom martyrs are depressing me.

"Freedom" is what you make of it. It is possible to work, travel, enjoy hobbies, see your friends and family, volunteer to help others, AND ALSO love and cherish your kids. Even if it feels like they are the center of your universe, you can show them how to be a citizen of this world.[/quote]

I think we can all prioritize these things for ourselves.  Looking back I do not regret the way I spent my time.  And I'm cool with my identity and how things have turned out.  That's the important thing.[/quote]

I agree. But framing one phase of your life as a necessary "loss of freedom" is ridiculous. [/quote]

It is equally ridiculous to assume that a family living on one paycheck can afford for the SAHP to hire sitters, travel with friends, go out on regular date nights.  There are times when that is simply not feasible and you have to find other ways to get your couple time in.  And you have to accept that for a little while your freedom is going to be a bit restricted to what you can do with small children nearby.

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Who assumed that? Stop being a martyr and lamenting your restricted freedom. You have choices. [/quote]

All choices come with pros and cons; trade offs.  I made the choice that was best for me and for my family.  I truly have no regrets.  But, yeah, if I had continued to work I would have had more money to spend on myself and more freedom to go places w/o kids in tow.  I knew what I was signing up for but that does not mean that SAH was always super easy peasy because it wasn't.

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