Reply to For Better, or Worse: "Open" marriage with a medical ill spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP I'm a DP but FWIW I think your situation is fine. What happens between consensual adults is no ones business.

And I'm super nay on hitting the bars while your spouse is in chemo and loathe omg.[/quote]

It's fine, but I do wonder how his wife actually felt. Feeling like you have to give your spouse a hall pass or they'll abandon you in your time of need can't be that edifying. PP's description of his wife saying she would find him someone online is just a bit weird. PP sounds very passive and childlike. [/quote]

Have you helped a dying or permanently ill spouse through many many years of treatment? If not than STFU. Your parochial outlook on this kind of think is just as annoying as OMG saying it should automatically unlock the marriage. These situations are impossibly difficult and rarely exclusively about sex. [/quote]

I've seen women dying of cancer, and the thought that their husbands would decide to step out on them is just horrific.  I don't disagree that there may be some marriages where this is done ungrudginly on the wife's part -- but I doubt that this is the normal course of events.  The vast majority of women prize monogamy, and that does not change if they are dying.  They may feel they have no other option other than the hall pass -- and I think that's the terrible thing. [/quote]

So I think what PP describes is not what you are describing. PP says that over the course of an illness or something his wife found out that she couldn't have sex again. And he had a few APs over the course of several years.

I fully 115% agree that finding out your spouse has cancer and then proceeding to go find a girlfriend is vile. But if a couple is faced with a very very long stretch of known time (and by this I mean like a decade until passing or something) I can see them green lighting this. It's really emotionally grueling to care for someone slowly degenerating. Allowing for people to figure out how to find the space to cope with that is important.

What's not ok is using this difficult scenario as some type of gross sexual fantasy to go have your 'needs' met while your wife's getting her port installed. That is just reprehensible fully agree.[/quote]

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