Reply to How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here: I am not divorced. I want a divorce. I never want another man to meet my children. I will never live with a man or commingle my finances ever again. I would like to once in awhile get some action but not involve my kids ever. I would think some divorced men would never want to marry again and seek a similar arrangement. Would not have to last forever. I think it is possible but I think it would be hard to find...I am not ever seeking a full time full out relationship. Annoying at the suggestion I would wait until kids go to college. Um, no. Marriage was the biggest mistake of my life, I’ve waited far too long, and any action would be better then the sexless marriage I have had (many many years...most of the marriage without it). [/quote]

That's all well and good.

Why do you think any man willing to involve himself with you should agree to exclusivity with  you, and even if he did, why do you think that kind of "promise" would be worth anything at all?

Does it make you feel better if you have the illusion of exclusivity?

Why?[/quote]

OP: I would think wanting to avoid STDs would be a reason. If he finds another option, that is fine, but then I will as well. [/quote]

But you're going into the "relationship" already knowing that it's very casual and there's no commitment whatsoever.  And no possibility of it ever growing into a committed relationship in the future.  Those are your terms.

What sort of man do you think would agree to those terms, including exclusivity, and how do you know anyone who told you they were agreeable to those terms would actually be trustworthy?

The two things are mutually exclusive and you don't seem to understand that point at all.

Any man who is trustworthy enough to reliably agree to your "terms" is ALSO the type of man who would, on some level, have some preference or expectation for at least the possibility of a more meaningful, permanent, committed relationship to grow out of it--even if not leading to marriage.

Your marriage was and is dysfunctional, and I suspect you never have had a functional relationship with a man, most likely, because whatever relationship was modeled to you by your own parents was similarly hopelessly dysfunctional.

It's almost like you don't understand basic aspects of human nature.[/quote]

OP here: my first love was a functional relationship—we were together for about 6 years; lived together for 4. We were too young. Ended at age 24. My second was dysfunctional. My parents have a bad marriage. I am capable of a functional relationship and would have one if I married the right person...but I didn’t. I do not want a normal relationship now because of my kids; otherwise I would. It would confuse them. I do not see how an FWB when I am not with the. Is a problem. Many people do not want to get their children involved with post-divorce relationships. [/quote]

DP - I admire you OP for not dragging the kids into your personal relationship with another man.  My DxW got married to the first guy she met after the divorce and the kids tolerate him, but don't like him.  [/quote]

OP here: Thanks. I will not do that to my kids. I think that men have an easier time understanding why I want what I want than women. I am more practical and less emotional than most women I am friends with. I think men can understand from a practical perspective what I am after. I think a lot of women do not get it (hence asking me if I have been assessed for mental illness, which is ridiculous). I simply do not want to make my kids lives more difficult. But I would like some physical and a tiny piece of emotional needs met (just feeling desired is an emotional need...that is how I am definining it). My kids don't need to know about that. It is not that hard to understand.[/quote]

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