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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you sound squirrelly. You need to wake up. Begin by realizing that he didn’t just come clean. He got sloppy-he took her out in your town. Someone saw them. And now more people than you know know. Please don’t tell your friends - not even your BFF. People will pity you. They already do, possibly. After you wake up, make a list of reasons to stay and reasons to go. The reasons to stay will be longer than the latter. Don’t stay because your DH doesn’t want to divorce. Stay because you want to stay. Or leave, because you want to leave. But it’s your choice please don’t t tell your friends - I know I’m repeating. But it’ll just be gossip and will haunt you if you stay. Good luck. And just so you know most men and most women cheat. Most don’t tell, though. And most don’t tell their friends they’ve be cheated on.[/quote]

OMG, what kind of shitty friends do you guys have that you would not tell them this?  This is the worst advice ever.

I told my longest friends; I wouldn’t have thought not to.  They have known me forever and have only my true interests at heart.  Why on earth would I keep a secret with the one guy who proved by his infidelity that he didn’t give a shit about me?  My true friends supported me through a ridiculous drama with him.  I also told my family - parents and siblings.  Those are the family members who supported me my whole life.  Why would I choose to go through one of the worst times in my life without the live and support of families and friends?  My family and friends were unfailingly polite to him, despite knowing what he did (repeatedly), because they respected ME.

Abusers want to isolate you. It’s the only way they have a chance of gaslighting you into paralysis and not leaving.  By forcing you into silence and shame, the adulterer is forcing you to live an inauthentic life, which only cuts you further off from others.  If you are advising a woman who has been cheated on that they should keep quiet, you are no better than a bystander whose silence facilitates abuse.

I didn’t tell PTA pals or Room mothers - just my true blue friends. So should you. Don’t cut yourself off from support, love and friendship.

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