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[quote=Anonymous]I don't know any parent who has a kid with ASD who wasn't on top of hitting or other aggressive behavior before age 12.  This thread is so crazy.

The parents with children who have autism are saying - the nanny should have read the signs to de-escalate the conflict and that going hardcore overpunishing a kid with ASD and aggression issues is going to backfire - there are other ways to give them consequences that won't backfire.

OP, your kid needs consequences (I have yet to see anyone say he doesn't!) but this is also an issue of a situation where the set up was not okay and then things went from bad to worse.  When you have a child with ASD it isn't like a neurotypical kid.  It isn't just "my way or the highway" with making them go around with their other activities.  And your child may not be able to be left at home alone (which is what people with neurotypical 12 yr olds can do).  It is hard but this care situation was a mess.

You need a nanny who has a lot of training in de-escalating and who will stand up to you and tell you 'hey we can try your plan for our day, but I don't if X can handle it and we may have to give up and go home."  
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