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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.

I love that this thread has not only helped me so much but enlightened other people as well.  I too didn't think I had a reason to look at her social media, but obviously learned differently.

So, we eventually sat her down and talked very frankly about her behavior online and her choice of language. Her first reaction was, "Ok, you know I'm not really doing any of those things, right?"

Her father and I immediately explained that the conversation wasn't about her defending herself, but rather, about her understanding the immediate and long-term effects of the behavior.

I asked her if she had any idea about the extent of the things we had seen and she said, "I think I do."  We explained that we aren't the only kids checking in on our kid's online activity, and even for those parents who don't see the actual threads, screen-shotting conversations is a common practice (as she knows) and can be kept forever.

I had previously taken a screenshot of one of the more horrific online conversations she had and showed her.  We asked why she being so reckless with her choice of words, as opposed to just saying "he's cute" or "I really like him!" and she said, "I don't know... I just thought I would fit in better if I made it sound cooler."

We also explained that it was perfectly normal to have thoughts about sex, think about boys and to want to talk about sex with friends.  But, we also said that it isn't so much about the conversation as it is about the choice of words and the online activity that is most concerning in this situation.

There was much more conversation (it'd be a book if I put every single detail in here), but that's the gist of it.  I'd love to think that she's telling the 100% truth, but I'm not naive enough the think that.

I will say that she's not in a super-cool crowd of kids, but she does try to fit in, and despite being physically attractive, athletic and very engaging, is still quite unsure of "who she is" hasn't quite found a solid group of friends since starting high school.

In the meantime, her phone is GONE.  I now have all access to her social media accounts (to my knowledge) and her online activity via laptop is limited and monitored.  We explain that these changes are in place not so much to punish (even though it probably feels that way), but more so because she hasn't shown the maturity that warrants that much online accessibility.  We'll revisit later if she should get another phone, but for now, her flip phone is what it is.

Side note:  I truly believe Snapchat caters to teens - and purposely promoting their ability to hide things.  It's not as simple to figure out as Facebook or Instagram, and I think a lot of kids count on their parents being clueless on this app in particular.

For example, there is a tab that says, "for my eyes only" on snapchat.  Even if you're logged in, you can't access this tab unless you have a PIN.  There is an option to change your PIN, but when you change it, everything in the folder is automatically deleted, so you'll never see what was in there. Whoever created this app did it with sneaky teens in mind, I swear.

FYI... I asked my daughter if there was anything in that folder that would concern me, and she said, "no... and here's my PIN so you can see."  Needless to say, I was relieved, but I'm prepared for that to be shortlived after this experience.

<sigh> Thank you again to each of you.  I'll be checking in on this thread in the coming days to see more responses/conversation/feedback.  You ALL gave me such wonderful advice, support, and perspective and the differing opinions are so valuable.  I certainly hope you've gained something from this discussion as well. [/quote]

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