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Tweens and Teens
Reply to "WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her."
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The scale of the cruelty (massive) does not determine the scale of your parental reaction. The coach should kick the instigators off the team. But there's nothing you can do. You need the other adults in this equation to mete out the punishment (which should be massive too). [/quote] [b]A coach at a public school won’t be able to punish them for behavior that occurred at a non school even[/b]t. Not sure if OP’s kid is in private.[/quote] Of course, the coach can! Behavior outside of school can definitely impact students' ability to participate in school extra-curriculars. Where have you been?[/quote] Only when it’s illegal (like underaged drinking). I’m a teacher and I’ve heard of stories like this brought to school (cases of bullying though I don’t think this qualifies unless there is a pattern here) and there was nothing the school could do. They can only punish kids for behavior that occurs at school or on school grounds.[/quote] NP: if the school is private, then its handbooks and policies almost certainly have a clause indicating that out of school activities can and do qualify for punishment or consequences by the school. OP, I am an educator with 30+ years of experience at all levels (including administration, including universities plus PreK-12 and admissions for a highly-selective LAC). This is one of the most egregious situations (short of physical abuse) about which I have heard and at every institution at which I have been would have incurred consequences. The school needs to know as does the coach; it won't be pretty and I doubt the two leaders will change their behavior...but it will send a message to the other teammates and other athletes and students. This was lying on top of everything else and depending on the school thus also a potential honor code violation in addition to bullying and behavior violating athletic team standards....It has to be called out. So sorry for your DD and your own pain too.[/quote]
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