Reply to SIL’s infertility issues

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "SIL’s infertility issues "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, perhaps your brother and SIL did not handle their pain and grief in the best way - they didn't share with the family and pulled a disappearing act. However, I don't think you are coming from a place of compassion here. I wish you wouldn't take this as a personal affront against you and your kids, but rather their way of coping. And I hope that you can find a way to move forward and to help them engage their child in your family.

People who haven't dealt with infertility can't possibly understand how it feels. How hard it can be to attend kid-related events while knowing that's something that may never happen for you. Some people handle this better than others. I didn't withdraw when going through my treatments - I attended the baby showers and the birthday parties even though some days it was the last thing I wanted to do. However - while I kept it to myself, I had all sorts of dark thoughts and felt terrible resentment of my family and friends for conceiving easily and having healthy children, even though rationally I knew it was very unfair of me.  Being pumped full of hormones certainly didn't help my emotional state. And neither did the inevitable "so why aren't you guys having babies, it's your turn" comments.[/quote]

OP describes bringing the baby to parents'/brother's home town/country and then brother and SIL not coming to visit.  I think it's a shame that brother and SIL coudln't or didn't share what they were going through enough at least to ask the family to make some accommodations in support of them.  For instance, let the grandparents babysit and get a siblings' dinner at a restaurant.  Or perhaps brother could visit without SIL, and SIL gets a pass as it's difficult and not her own family.  There are ways to make an effort to maintain a caring sibling relationship IF the brother and SIL had been willing to share their struggles.  Of course, there is the possibility that they knew the family would not react in a caring, supportive way.  In dealing with her resentment for not being given the opportunity to come through for brother and maintain a relationship despite what he and SIL were going through, OP should try to take a realistic look at whether brother and SIL would have found a supportive, caring, understanding reaction in this family if they had shared.  OP might come to a place of peace and forgiveness by realizing that, be it OP or other family members, bro and SIL had a reason to think they would not be supported in the way they requested if they did tell the family.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics