Reply to Wife wants to move from city to small hometown, I don't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think both of you need therapy. You sound high anxiety and OCD, she sounds depressed. Usually people want to make a change thinking that things will be better if we move, change this or that. You with your anxiety are not open to any change. Her spending summers in her hometown isn't a big deal at all. Plenty of us do the same if SAH when kids are little. Heck, I spent most summers in Europe where my parents live when I wasn't working and kids were young. DH didn't think a single thing about it. Both of your should try to be more accepting of your differences and needs. Now, as for me, I couldn't imagine living in a small town, I would go nuts, nuts, nuts. [/quote]

Why do you think he has high anxiety? He sounds pretty stable to me. Totally consistent with what he wants, taking risks with his business, earning good money, marrying his girlfriend when she got pregnant. She does sound depressed though, thinking things will magically get better in her hometown. It probably won’t though.[/quote]

Because he wrote it in op. Something like, "I am only good at making small changes at a time, so uprooting.....causes me high anxiety." His wife is pining over some imagined ideal childhood and family dynamic. Maybe OP can show her what I will relate now. I am visiting my family in Europe right now. But, big city now. The way I grew up is gone, there are no more orchards all over, there are no more kids riding bikes everywhere like my cousins and I did when we were a far out village/suburb of the capital long ago. It is so lovely visiting and having all the attention for the first few days. When kids were young they were sun and the stars to my parents, my sister, and everybody made an effort to see me and the kids. Now, kids are older, can't stand old fashioned grandma fussing, want to do something all the time, and they do,(big city now, remember) yet it is still a far cry from DC Metro teen life. It would be so much worse in a small town USA for teens. Fast forward to today, I visit and help with my dad who is immobile, has severe dementia and around the clock nursing help. Everybody is harping about something, mom wants attention that dad is now getting. Sister is stressed about dad. Basically, things are far, far from some fairy tale right now. And this happens to everyone. To all families, all around the world. His wife needs a reality check. I would suggest that you and your DW think about purchasing a summer home in her hometown. I mean, it is 3 hours away! That is practically just a bit longer than many people have as a commute in DC. Have her go there and stay on her own, in her own place during the summer, and you visit as much as you can during the summer. Unhappy people chase happiness and yet happiness always escapes. Because you can't find it outside your own mind. I bet your she stays there in her own place for 2 months in the summer, her family would be so much less attentive than during some short visit. Plus, what about school? Are you telling me that some tiny rural school is as good as schools in DC metro? I think summer house is a good compromise, and if that is a viable financial option, that might be a compromise that both OP and his wife are happy with. Can your wife not imagine what it would be for you living is a small town? Can't she show the same empathy as she is so unhappy with living in a big town? I would think that a reasonable person could at least try to see the other side of the coin, OP and his wife are basically in a flipped mirror image. She wants him to do the same thing that is making her so unhappy.[/quote]

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