Reply to Friend is having affair - wants to bring "other person" on a group trip

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think Friend A is an asshole for putting you in this position.  It's going to make you uncomfortable during your vacation, and I think you should say that either you or Friend A needs to back out.  Probably it's going to be you.

Friend A is a bad friend, to be honest.  And I hope someone posts incriminating photos of A and Newbie.  Is there any way one of you could reach out directly to Friend A's spouse and suggest they come along on the trip?  I bet the spouse doesn't even know that coming along is an option for them![/quote]

I suspect friend A is an idiot who thinks they'll be able to hide the relationship.

Do report back, op!![/quote]
People have different relationships. If I don't know about the affair then I am okay with it. Just like my grandparents were. By "not know" I mean: it's not an open relationship, I might suspect it, but I have not seen you having sex. [b]I had some idiot trying to tell me about my spouse cheating. He got almost upset and definitely puzzled that told him to mind his own business, he never touched the subject again. [/b]Stay out of people's marriages unless you know exactly what that particular person would like to know or what kind of relationship people have. I highly doubt you live in their household though.[/quote]

That’s a different kettle of fish.  It sounds like even if the AP told you she has sex with your husband, you would still say to mind your own business because you don’t want to know.  Whether someone wants to know or not, is a different question.  From previous threads on DCUM, I would say it is split.  Half would rather not know, and half would want to know.  The problem is [b]unless you ask your friend “hypothetically speaking, would you want to know if your spouse was cheating when your friend(s) know about it” [/b]or they have told a story that made it clear how they fall on this - you don’t know.  So this is what people are saying, they are in a no win situation when friend A decided to bring a “friend”.  In my case with my parents, I have strong feelings about the lying/covering that is involved with infidelity and feeling like I was abandoned while my dad was staying at a “friend’s” house. If you have a open relationship that both people agree to, then fine.  But as the saying goes, “don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining”. It’s definitely an emotional trigger for me and my close friends know that because of having conversations about staying in a bad marriage for the kids.

The best of the not great options is to give friend A a heads up that it is an uncomfortable situation with possible fall out if the person is anything other than a platonic friend and from the observations of her reactions tats not the case.  No one wants to be in her marriage and it isn’t fair to put them in the middle of it.
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I know when it comes to my friends (none would want to know). I have no clue as to most of people I am friendly with, except for one neighbor who doesn't care, they both cheat, not an open marriage, simple don't ask-don't tell. [/quote]

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