Reply to Is there a non-offensive way to ask where someone’s ancestors are from?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

It's sad that the culture of perceived microaggression has made asking someone where they are from a loaded question. I grew up understanding that this a basic conversation starter. SO much better than "what do you do?"

Agree with PP that asking if they grew up in the area is a reasonable alternative.[/quote]

Well, sure, if you ask everybody, "Where are you from?" Do you do that? And what if OP's child's friend's mother answers, "Virginia"?[/quote]

OP here. Yes, I do ask most new friends that. I am not from DC and I find it’s a nice chit chat topic. And if she said Virginia I would probably ask “which part?” and if she grew up around here I’d probably say “oh what high school did you go to?” This would seem like normal small talk to me.

[b]Is it a crime to be culturally curious? Am I supposed to pretend I don’t notice? I have a good friend who is ethnically Persian but she just said so. And references it frequently. I appreciate that.[/b]

I promise I am not a troll and I’m honestly trying to do the right thing. Based on responses here, I will continue to say nothing about it at all.[/quote]

OP, quit playing the victim and being dramatic. Of course it is not a crime, but it can be rude to ask nosy question, and different people have different ideas about what is nosy. The whole problem is that you haven't just tried to engage her in idle "where are you from" chit chat because that is not what you want to know. You think because she speaks with an accent that she was not born here and has an exotic ancestry and cultural customs that, if you could just find the right words, she could spend her time entertaining you with descriptions and educating you. Not her job to satisfy your "cultural curiosity".

If your children are good friends and you have a nice rapport, I suggest you try making friends with her instead of trying to find a polite way to turn her into a walking encyclopedia. Invite her in for coffee or tea. Have a conversation. Use social skills to determine if you are being to nosy as you might in a conversation with anyone. And as others have pointed out, where she is from is where she says she is from. Americans can have accents. Brown people with last names you haven't heard of can be from Virginia. If they don't add to that detail, it is not because they forgot or you didn't ask enough. It is because they have already given you an answer.[/quote]

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