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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's a profound difference between, on the one hand, a marriage where the husband is making enough to support the family and the wife simply makes more (scenario #1), and on the other hand, a marriage where the husband makes an insufficient amount to support the family and the wife is the primary or sole breadwinner (scenario #2).

I personally make significantly more than my wife and always have.  But I would welcome scenario #1 and be uncomfortable and inadequate in scenario #2.

Maybe that makes me old-fashioned and outdated.  Okay.[/quote]

Why do you keep using the phrase "support the family" only with respect to a husband's earnings? I also don't understand why the distinction is meaningful between your two scenarios. In all couples, there may be one making all or most of the money to support the family. Or they may be earning roughly equal amounts. It may have some bearing on which partner is the default parent and is responsible for household management but not much else.[/quote]

I am just speaking from my own perspective as a husband and father who feels that he has various obligations to his family.  For me, personally, the distinction between the 2 scenarios is simply whether I would *feel* I was living up to those obligations, and how I would *feel* about being the husband in both scenarios.  I would *feel* uncomfortable and inadequate if I didn't make enough to support the family.  It's one of the obligations that I *feel* that I have.  If my wife makes more or less than I do is irrelevant to whether I am fulfilling the obligations that I *feel* that I have.  [/quote]

I (the higher earning wife in our house) feel this way too, except I would say irresponsible rather than inadequate (there’s probably a whole gender studies thesis to be written there). I would feel irresponsible and anxious if I didn’t make enough to support my family. (And this is not a knock on stay at home parents - if I stayed home I would make sure we to have life insurance and plans B and C ready to go in case something happened to my partner. That’s being responsible.)

Of course the issue in this case is the individual not earning some minimum amount. It has nothing to do with what the partner is earning. Presumably you wold still feel inadequate if you didn’t make enough to support your family and your wife made even less. 
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