Reply to Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can’t believe you aren’t getting mote responses telling you that it is very reasonable to not want your daughter to spend the night at the house of a stranger.  I would never let my child spend the night at a house if I didn’t know both parents very well, as in friends that we hang out with all the time and have gotten to know really well.  With the statistics out there about child abuse it seems that more people would want to protect their children.  Once someone is abused/molested you can’t take your decision back.  Take her to the party and meet the Dad, and then pick her up at 10:00.  [/quote]

I hate when people who are bad at math try to use statistics against me. Statistically, your child is more likely to be abused by a member of your family. The next most likely abuser would be someone your child knows well and looks up to, like a close friend of the family. Someone you trust. [/quote]

Yes, and the corollary of those stats are that it might means “knowing someone really well” doesn’t provide assurance that they aren’t a huge creep deep down. I have little kids so haven’t had to cross their bridge and so don’t have an opinion on if you are being overprotective or not, OP, but if your plan to prevent this from ever happening is to get to know people super well... that might be shortsighted. Arming your daughter with the right tools and info, as others have suggested, to make sure she always feels comfortable and that she can reach out to you the moment she isn’t comfortable, seems the much better route to me. [/quote]

People really need to get over preconceived notions of safety because they are usually wrong: Nasser. Catholic Church. Jerry Sandusky. These were trusted adults taking advantage of kids over a long period of time. At a girls sleepover of that age, there is zero interest in the dad unless he's dropping off pizza. Assuming all men are creeps is pretty sad. You know the mom; if you trust her, by extension don't you trust her husband?

You cannot hover forever. If you are always "protecting" her, she will be incapable of making reasonable decisions on her own later. She needs small steps toward independence. Some of these posters offer great advice about talking to her about appropriate behavior. Since it would be her first, offer to pick her up if she changes her mind at any time while at the party.

That said, if it's so important she not to go, consider a consolation sleepover offer at your house or a one-on-one with someone you consider appropriate.[/quote]

It is not the assumption that all men are creeps. But that settings where there is more privacy and vulnerability are where creepy stuff can occur, so avoid the setting.[/quote]

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