Reply to Just don't really care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For high-libido people, a low-libido's spouse's unwillingness to address the disparity reveals an indifference to their needs that damages trust.  In the happy low-sex marriages both partners have come to agree on the amount of sex happening between them.  The respect and trust endure when two people deal with it together.  To pull in another example, if my lifelong dream was to own a beagle and my DH did not want to ever have a dog it would bother me if he made no attempt to find a solution to my desire for animal companionship.  Now if DH were allergic to all pets obviously I couldn't hold it against him.  But OP's DW has no medical impediment to engaging in regular sexual contact.  She just doesn't care enough about him to make the effort or propose viable alternatives.  That selfish rigidity cannot be the source of a strong partnership.  Lack of physical drive is just an excuse.[/quote]

This doesn't excuse the situation, but I think there has to be some recognition about how twisted up people get about sex. (It's not their fault, society does not send us healthy messages.) Your affinity to beagles or lack thereof isn't really tied into your value as a person. Sex is different, and it adds to both the pain of the higher libido spouse whose sense of self is deeply bruised by his spouse's rejection and to the pain of the lower libido spouse who feels like a failure for not providing in this regard and has great difficulty in talking about it. [/quote]

I also forgot to point out that sex is unique in that for married folk it can only be done with the spouse.  If you and your friends go to dog shows or grooming lessons together no reasonable person will get upset.  Not so sex.[/quote]

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