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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Originally I thought this was a summer trip so picking the same place and same week is odd.  Spring break is a little different - only week, more limited to locations.  I get it that it is weird but it is not like this is a private house, you can't control who stays in the other 99 rooms in this hotel.

Out of curiosity, if she had thought to ask you if you were OK with this beforehand, would you have been able to say, please don't?  Or should she just have known to stay away and not even consider the resort?

I actually think the anticipation of this is worse than how it actually will be.  We spend our vacations at a club where other friends are there as well.  You bump into them at the pool, restaurant or golf course - a quick 5 minutes of small talk and then you move on to doing your own thing.  I think it will be like that for you.[/quote]

OP's friend doesn't sound like the kind of person who will be okay with 5 minutes of small talk and then moving on.

I'm the PP who says just change the plans.   It will be miserable otherwise.

I agree with others that it's best not to mention these things.  If someone says, "Hey, what are you doing for spring break?"  You say, "Not sure yet."  And then you change the subject.  Eventually people get the idea.

But I'm also not the kind of person who brags about travel or posts a million pictures when I go on vacation, so people have come to view me as a not really showy person, a private kind of person, and there's no travel/vacation oneupmanship going on.  People get that my husband and I kind of do our own thing.

It's not easy being that way.  There are tradeoffs.  Some people don't like me because I'm an introvert, because I'm kind of private and value my privacy, because boundaries are important to me.  But that's who I am.  I'd rather set that straight from the start than have to pretend later or feel like I have no control over my own life.

I'm the PP who upthread had a similar situation, but with husband's associate.  That experience confirmed for me how important privacy, boundaries, time truly away is important to my well-being.  We live in a congested, stressful area.  Also, many of the work environments and even school environments can be highly competitive and cutthroat.  It's also a place where there's a lot of weight put on image and networks and politics.  I think all of that means that it's even more important that your time away, your travel time, is truly your time to decompress and catch a break from even your social networks (especially if you're an introvert).

Sure, there are some people, usually extroverts, who thrive on all of that stuff and maybe see vacation as another opportunity to socialize.  That's fine, too.  But either way, it's okay to set boundaries with other people.   Just limit the information you give them.  If they keep asking and you keep changing the subject, eventually they'll either get the message and respect it or they'll conclude that you're a b*tch, in which case, honestly, it's not a friendship you want because those kinds of people are always pushing the boundaries.  [/quote]

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