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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread is making me think my marital problems are a lost cause.

Why is everyone on DCUM so quick to suggest marriage counseling if this is the general consensus?

[/quote]

When people are invested in their marriage, but don't have good communication skills or don't know how to "fight fairly," marriage counseling is a  great resource.

When one partner is having an affair or is abusive, marriage counseling is not going to work.  No investment, no trust.[/quote]

I agree with this. And I do think it COULD help with an affair (but honestly if you go to surviving infidelity, most of the couples who reconcile don’t make it so I’m not sure it’s something marriages can EVER come back from), but I think the Counseling would help best if a spouse found themselves considering or wanting to cheat. I also found that once the counselor gets the backstory, they aren’t very interested in the reasons why you are there - they are there to help you build a new marriage and that requires participation from both parties.

I remember being a little surprised that we didn’t spend more time going over the bad things DH and I had done to each other. Sometimes when I was angry, I wanted to harp on things and she would not let me - and that is a problem of mine. I expected her to say “this is what you two SHOULD have done so you wouldn’t have ended up here” but they can’t do that. It’s not helpful. What they are trying to do is rebuild communication to establish trust, and then later, intimacy etc. I expressed a lot of frustration early on because i just wanted the prescription to fix my marriage - one date night a week mixed with sex every other day, etc. So while some of the stories on here are clearly horrific, some of them aren’t - some marriages just aren’t gonna get fixed and some
People had unrealistic expectations like I did. [/quote]

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