Reply to I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wish someone had told me about my now exDH's affairs.  It would have allowed me to end our relationship earlier and maybe to have had a better life.  The fact that none of our many mutual personal and professional friends blew the whistle on him to me was yet another level of betrayal.

Infidelity is a form of sexual abuse if it is done without the consent of the partner.  My experience was traumatizing.  Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost people I thought were friends and an entire professional network.  And the silence of society around that has made life very difficult.

Your silence makes you a bystander in support of the perpetrator.

The silence of society around inappropriate sexual behavior is exactly what promotes our culture of rape, abuse and harrassment of women.  Those of you who keep these secrets are no better than the men around the Harvey Weinsteins of the world who say, "I didn't know." "Maybe she wants it like that." "It's not my place to say anything.". "I might lose something if I tell."

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Sorry for what happened to you! Do you have children?

I would also feel betrayed if close friends, or even casual friends, knew and said nothing. But is it really a neighbor’s place to say something? Friends would know better whether you had an open marriage, how strongly you felt about fidelity, what your resources might be to divorce.

OP could possibly tell a friend of the neighbor, maybe another neighbor she is closer to, who could be the one to break the news.[/quote]

I would not recommend talking about this to the other neighbors.  That really would be gossiping.  Saying directly to the neighbor "I was surprised to see your husband on a romantic date at XYZ restaurant. Are you two still together?"  is probably the best way to approach it.

You would be telling her what YOU saw so that if she has questions she can hear it from the horse's mouth.  If she acts irritated that you would dare ask her such a thing, then back off, apologize and tell her that you will not mention this again.  After that, she is on her own and you know to steer clear of her.  Seriously.

Op wasn't peeping in windows, she wasn't using her binoculars to catch this guy....she was out at a local restaurant and saw him openly having a romantic date with a woman who was not his wife.  If Op saw him, other neighbors could have seen him, too.  This is public information now.[/quote]

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