Reply to Neighborhood mom upset her daughter was not invited to birthday party

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This also reminds me of a wedding dilemma common enough that Miss Manners had to address it multiple times (which drilled her position into my head). The letter writer would say something like “Our dream venue (or budget + dream caterer or whatever) only accommodates 60 people, but our minimum guest list is 110. We either have to cut whole family branches or generations or whatever— whom should we cut?” And Miss Manners’ inevitable reply was “Choose a new venue or have cake and punch, you can’t cut for budgetary reasons.”

To be clear, you can decide you want a small wedding, you can elope if you want to, etc. But what she emphasizes you CAN’T do is not invite people you would otherwise invite because of budgetary reasons. You can’t invite your aunt and not your cousin (whose wedding you attended and to whom you are moderately close) simply because that puts you over the guest limit at Fabulous Historic Mansion. You can’t have an appropriate guest list in mind and then start cutting awkwardly because of an arbitrary limit.

I’m not sure OP’s scenario is complete analogous, but it does sound similar enough— like if the budget were higher, she would not have awkwardly excluded this one kid. It would have been substantially different if the birthday girl wanted an intimate 4-guest sleepover and invited all the neighborhood girls in question OR had invited one girl each from different friend groups. But that’s not what she did. [/quote]

You’re right. [/quote]

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