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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the PP (responding for the first time, those other responses weren't me.)  Of course I accept responsibility. Note the "wracked with guilt" part of my post.  He took responsibility too.  We did everything by the book, to cause as little hurt as possible.  The only thing we could have done differently is not fall in love.  And, maybe it wasn't like this for you, but your experience is not universal.  For me, it felt beyond my control.  I attempted to control my feelings and so did he.  When we realized we couldn't, we discussed how to proceed with the least amount of hurt possible, which included not confessing - something that would speed things up quite a bit for them, but hurt his ex wife a great deal.

And how is saying "I fell in love" (the wording that would make this "ok" in your book) any less passive than "I found myself in love?"  You semantics police are exhausting.  Have none of you EVER looked around and thought "how did I get here?"  Have none of you ever found yourself in a morally gray area?  If not, it seems to me that you're one of those people walking around half asleep, who refuses to or is unable to see that life is more than what we see on the very surface.

It's not a good thing OP did.  It wasn't a good thing I did.  I still struggle with forgiving myself.  But, the moral superiority of most of you posters is actually really surprising to me.  [/quote]

The big difference between you PP and the OP, is that she is having a three year affair.  You have taken responsibility for pursuing a relationship with a married man and it worked out for you and your dh well.  Plus he didn't have kids.  My wife was married but separated when I met her and the only reason she wasn't already divorced is because he wouldn't sign.  It hurt him a great deal that she got re-married so quickly after he signed the papers.  But their marriage had been over for a long time (he was very emotional abusive and she worked at the marriage for years before ending it).

OP: grow the fuc* up.  Either quit screwing around and dedicate yourself to your marriage or get divorced.  Life is pretty simple.[/quote]

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