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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cautionary tale. Straight from today's headlines:

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2017/09/university_of_rochester_professor_s_alleged_sexual_harassment_of_students.html

Backstory:

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/09/she-was-a-rising-star-at-a-major-university-then-a-lecherous-professor-made-her-life-hell/

"Ignore it and hope he gets bored and moves on to someone else" is not a strategy.

[b]We need to teach our daughters that "no" means no. [/b] They need to state their boundaries and desires clearly (as OP's daughter did), and If a boy or a man does not hear and respect their boundaries, it's time to escalate until they change their behavior

Harassment only gets worse unless women address it directly and aggressively. Help your daughter take this up with the school - a counselor or the assistant principal or principal.

She told him no, and he will not let it go. Time to involve others. Sooner rather than later. [/quote]

We need to teach everyone that no means no. It's good for people who are being harassed to know what to do. But it's even better for people to not harass in the first place.[/quote]

I agree.  Several of the girls at my son's school are extremely aggressive and won't take no for an answer.  [b]They have thrown themselves at my son and other boys, and send them lewd texts/snaps.  Even after being told, "I'm not interested," they keep it up.  After reading these posts, I'm realizing it's time to report them to the administration.[/b]  [/quote]

Yes, it definitely is!

I'm the poster above who said we need to teach our [b]girls [/b]that no means no.

I focused on the girls not to suggest that boys don't need to learn this, too.  Quite the opposite.  EVERYONE needs to learn this and be held accountable.  Including the girls that seem to be throwing themselves at your son and not respecting his boundaries and requests to be left alone.

The reason I focused on girls in particular is this:  Too many girls somehow pick up the message along the way that boys (or men) won't listen to them anyway.  It's like they're somehow getting a defeatist message -- that this is just the way it is.  They shouldn't expect boys/men to respect their boundaries and their "no" -- they have to figure out other ways around it (like avoiding the harasser or putting up with things while presventing them from getting too far out of hand.)

That's just so completely, 100% false.  We need to raise our girls to expect to be resepcted.  To know that it's their right as human beings -- just like for our boys.  If someone is doing something they don't like or don't want, then they need to SPEAK UP.  They deserve better, and they can and should use their voice to get better.

This is what upset me the most in the University of Rochester situation linked above.  Yes, of course, it sucked that this professor was a chronic harasser.  But to me, what sucked even more was the advice the graduate student got from her mentors.  They seemed to tell her this was normal . . . yes, it sucked, but it's what she should expect anywhere she goes.  That's just the way male professors often are.

By giving her that advice, her mentors unintentionally normalized completely unacceptable behavior, and they set her up to think she wouldn't be respected and things wouldn't improve if she complained or reported him, so she decided not to bother.  Tragic on top of tragic, as far as I'm concerned.

So yes, of course, we should treat our boys that "no means no".  We should teach them that so they respect other people's boundaries and also so they feel properly entitled to defend their own.

But I do think this is still especially important for our daughters.  It's why I would never tell my daughter to rely on her father or older brother to throw his weight around to defend her in a situation like this.  She has a voice.  She has a right and a path to speak to the school administrators herself.  And then the superintendent, etc., if she exhausts her school resources (counselor, asst principal and principal) and feels that they have not taken her concerns seriously.  Teach her to keep going until she gets what she needs to feel safe.  She is entitled to no less.[/quote]

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